I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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