So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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