My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
