another moral hangover. fuck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
