how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
