Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
