i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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