just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
God, I missed his penis.
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