Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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