I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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