my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
