Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
