I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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