He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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