The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
