i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
