OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
