thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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