remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
