it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
