Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize