ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
