one two three fourrrrnication!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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