I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
