omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
