i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
