if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
