just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
