I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
