He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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