This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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