I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she told me i tasted like america
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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