Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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