What a fucking waste of an outfit
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
