Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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