yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
