At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
