I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
