The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize