she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
