is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
