Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
