I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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