I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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