I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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