Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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