If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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