i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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