You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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