return my video game
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
