That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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