Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
