its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
