After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize