i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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