So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
