then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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