my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
