I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
