Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it glows. i had to have it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
