i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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