I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
