You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
