he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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