I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
