party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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