Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
