I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
