nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
