It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
