I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize